I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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