i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize