Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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