Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I am naked and annoyed.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
