Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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