i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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