Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
