It's like God shit irony all over that family
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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