dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
