my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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