I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
