oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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