On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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