Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize