How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
