Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Floor bacon is actually really good
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
