you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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