My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
