Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize