you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
