Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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