uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
