I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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