Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
