My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
we're so committed to being not committed
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize