I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
