I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
