Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
This is the high leading the old right now
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
