You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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