problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
