I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
