I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize