The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
