he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
