woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
