worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You don't make any sense
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I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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