My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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