I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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