I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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