Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
