She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
