I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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