My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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