why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
