i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I could fuck to npr.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
