i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
