Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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