mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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