the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
