I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
