Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just found a bag of teeth...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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