She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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