Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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