Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
