why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize