There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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