smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
How's work?
Spinning.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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