Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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