I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
