this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize