my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
