what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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