turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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