I'm pants shitting drunk right now
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
