Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
