He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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