I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
