Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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