The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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