god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
time to smoke my breakfast
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
