Your face is a jimmy john
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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