I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Of course I have a pirate flag
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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