I wish I could teleport
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
A+ Viking dick
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